Another holiday, another book spirited around the world only to not be looked at even once. I am nothing if not a creature of habit. I thought I had been very prepared to remember to take a book with me this time and to not pay airport prices for some holiday entertainment, alas even waiting in the airport for my return flight I found myself scrolling through holiday pictures rather than reaching for my book.
I'd chosen to read this because I had noticed a few people around me being more down than usual. I'd pinned it on winter blues, it being colder, close but not close enough to Christmas, but when people are seemingly needing a lot more encouragement regarding themselves, what is there to do? Normally, a good book will have the answer!
It took less than a chapter before I understood that I could never be a therapist. Barely a few pages in and I found myself making a judgement, which was ironic because I immediately happened upon a section of conversation about judging people. The dependence on others, blaming situations, putting too much stock in the opinions of others, each of these appeared in the first chapter and I feel these are issues which affect a lot of people. The fear that doing something a certain way will impact the opinion another person has, can often be a major blocker in the way of getting something done, simply by causing a little self doubt. If I ever find myself getting a little nervous, like asking a stranger for directions on holiday, I just think what are the odds of ever seeing this person again? Probably zero, so even if I were to make a complete fool of myself nobody who witnessed it will be in my life for a long enough time to bring it up again. So why not ask the stranger on the subway for help, it could lead to some very friendly conversation and a happy memory.
Back to the book, the conversations with the therapist don't always flow in a natural way that was easy to read, they are more of a question and answer session without follow up, as though there are 100 questions to be asked and five minutes to get through them all. I found a bit off putting to read, maybe I like things to come to a clear resolution, but I would have preferred longer more in depth discussions rather than a constant changing of topics. Whether it is a difference in culture, the environments that myself and the author were raised in, or a translation issue, the conversations didnt resonate with me. There was a constant need for reassurance and it felt as though whenever the therapist provided advice the conversation would immediately change and the advice would be swept under the carpet.
I'm not saying that this book won't be a wonder for these who need help, it may provide a multitude of answers or moments of inspiration. However, reading this as someone who is looking for answers for others simply means that the perspectives are not aligned. I was raised in a "worrying won't fix it" environment so, while I can be empathetic to those around me I also won't shy away from telling my friends to pull themselves together and stop wallowing. It's possible to help friends, but not fix their problems. Their hands can be held and encouragement and support provided in spades, but that final push, the decision, the resolve to make a change can only come from them. All I can do is be there and offer a sympathetic ear to the situation.
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